The Nightmare is almost over: Review of the season Part One: A-E

A is for Avram the Arsehole.  Appointed by The Pornographers last summer with a brief to improve on a campaign that produced the lowest points total for a team not to be relegated and consolidate West Ham's premiership position, he's clearly failed.  Unless, that is, somehow a team that's lost five consecutive games at the business end of the season suddenly wins at least two out of three.  Then he might just be Avram the Awesome.

B is for Blog.   This one was for me and my kids to celebrate following West Ham this season, and was instigated by The Controller.  As a professional writer, she seems to be keen to encourage others to write (up to a point - not as competition in her field).  There's not been much to celebrate and the multi-authorship hasn't really worked (one post each from Jess, Joe and Jack, come on guys, that's trying as much as the team), but in a perverse way, I've enjoyed it.

C is for Championship.  Which is where we've been headed ever since the shambolic capitulation at Villa in the first game of the season.  Remember, O'Neill walked out a few days before, they had an injury crisis and rookie manager.  We had bigged-up new players Reid (played in the World Cup) and Barrera (played in the World Cup).  They had a youth team midfield and one of their best players, Milner, about to defect to Citeh.  We were a shambles with no fight, so we've been consistent all season.

D is for DiCanio.  He's been cheerleading at Upton Park on several occasions this season and making appearances in the programme. In interviews he talks of his love for West Ham (second only to Mussolini?).  But, really, I think he'd be best out on the pitch even now.  At least he never gave up.

E is for Exit, the sense of coming to an end.  Avram will go, unlamented, at the end of the season whatever happens.  But will I go, too?  My son Joel commented at the last home game that it was blindingly obvious that I didn't want to be there, because it was so obviously going to be misery.  But when there's a game I'm not at, I try to see a live stream, or watch on the telly, or get phone updates.  It's clearly a drug, but not Ecstasy.