Review of the Season Part Four: P - T

P is for The Pornographers.  Their ten-point plan to save the club began with 'Appoint the right Manager'.  So that went well.  Not content with continually undermining Gianfranco Zola last year and sacking him the moment the season was over, this year they stuck with an obvious incompetent and sacked him before the end of the season, but not in time to remedy his failings.  If I hear any more about how they love the club, I'll impale them on one of their dildos.

Q is for Quotidian.  A beautiful Shakespearean word meaning commonplace, everyday.  Like throwing away leads, letting goals in in the first fifteen minutes of games, conceding more goals from headers than any other team.  Basic defending really - but doing it right was obviously too commonplace for the team and the coaching staff couldn't be arsed to get it right.  Unlike Allardyce, say, or Hodgson, or O'Neill - or even Curbishley.

R is for Relegation.  You read it here first.  We have more chance of going to League 1 next year than back to the Premiership.  All our best players will be sold.  Every team we play will want the scalp of a 'big club'.  Our owners appointed Avram Grant and are now choosing the next manager.

S is for Super Scott Parker.  About to be Hammer of the Year for the third consecutive time, Football Writers Player of the Year, back in the England team and all the while carrying the team, even finding time for a half-time inspirational team talk when the team was losing 3-0.  I hope he goes to a club worthy of him.

T is for Teamwork.  Notably absent from West Ham (except for the board who choreographed complete absence from a crucial away game at Man City).  Where was the spirit, the determination?  Of course, Super Scott had it in spades, and Mark Noble wasn't far behind' giving himslef a hernia in the process.  But everybody else?  Even Demba Ba sulked in the last home game when moved to play wide, while Carlton Cole at least kept trying (the fans' patience as much as anything).