On international workers of the world day, West Ham's own workhorse, Scott Parker won't be able to audition for potential new employers because he's injured. The substitute workhorse (but not a donkey) Mark Noble is also out injured.
So even before the match we have distress calls.
I shall be watching at my house in Norfolk expecting another heavy defeat. We start the game bottom with the weekend results bringing Wigan and Wolves a point each, as well as Backpool, and with Blackburn picking up three points. The only contender for relegation to fare badly so far is Sunderland, and by the last game of the season it could be all over for them and us.
So we have a genuine distress call on May Day.
I shall keep the laptop fittingly on my lap as I watch the continued demise of the team. But first, the next instalment in Arsenal's hard-luck season. Is there a rule that Vidic can't be sent off? He should have gone against us when we were two up and now he's managed a blatant handball in the area and been allowed to play on.
But still Arsenal managed to win for the first time in 'n' games and now here we are in the Man City tunnel with Upson as captain. He'll be one of the out of contract players The Pornographer no. 1 thinks can't be relied on to give their all for the cause. So at least he'll be consistent with his performances all season. Just like Robbie Keane who's also picked to play.
So here we go.
Two minutes and we haven't conceded. Only eighty-eight and extra time to go ....
The commentator has just told us that no team in Premier League history bottom with four teams to go has ever avoided relegation. So a chance to make history!
So ten minutes and we concede from thirty yards by a player who's never scored for City before. Opposing players must love playing West Ham - no challenge, plenty of space to play and a charging player who turns his back to avoid getting hurt. The only thing we can hope for is complacency overtaking the opposition, but just in case that shoul happen we've scored an own goal on fifteen minutes. It took Chelsea over fifty minutes to score two, so how many will we concede today?
So what should we do now? Try to keep it at only two or try to score? Or just give up?
Who'll be gone this summer from this team? Rob Green surely will go to a team that has a defence of sorts. Jacobsen is on loan and will go. Upson seems already gone. Gabbidon is surely not worth keeping but will be difficult to shift. Sears and Spector will no doubt stay and we won't be able to get rid of Rigor unless we can find a skip. Keane, thank god, won't be coming, and I suppose Ba will Be off. But we'll still have Barrera and Reid.
Thirty-one minutes and Keane misses an open goal for the second week in a row. At least he's consistent.
GOAL!!! Demba BA BA BA!!! So can we keep it to 2-1? Nobody could expect an equaliser, not even The Controller with the facile optimism of ignorance.
41 minutes and a perfect example of Rigor - no pressure, crap pass when we could have had a chance. But the commentators praise his effort to chase back (which he wouldn't have to do if he could pass to a teammate).
So half-time and we've scored two goals. Unfortunately one was for City so we're losing.
Now we've had the Avram half-time team talk to inspire the second half.
And after ten minutes we've tried very hard, but also tried hard to give a goal away. So far we haven't succeeded and so we're losing but still only by one goal though how Silva can miss on 62 minutes I don't know. Is he related to Robbie Keane?
A wasted free kick from Hitzlsperger. Why has he given up shooting? But at least Keane has taken his posing to the bench. We're completely on top so it's only a matter of time before we concede.
A quarter hour to go and we're playing well but we don't look like scoring and City look like they've woken up.
Under ten minutes left and whatever is said about the performance, we're losing again. For the fifth game in a row.
Three minutes extra time and surely we must get some kind of chance? Not at all. And the same could be said for our season
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