Transcendental Meditations: West Ham 3 - 1 Liverpool; 27 February

So bored was I with the Burnley game, I forgot Freddie Sears' fifth goal - so it was 5-1, not 4-1.

But I'll remember the score of today's game for a long time.

My friend, John Sinnott, is a passionate Liverpool fan who's followed them all over Europe, and so has plenty of experience of highs and lows at football matches.  We always meet after the match at Upton Park.  Usually this is for him to gloat.  But not today.

Some years ago, we beat Liverpool with a last minute penalty from Mark Noble.  This led to to a discussion on why people leave games early.  As John pointed out, you simply cannot leave early or you'll never experience the truly heart-stopping delirium of winning the game with practically the last kick.  But then again, you'll never have the heartbreak of losing in the same fashion.

We had that experience in the cup final when Steve Gerrard stole our cup with an equaliser from the last kick of normal time.  Extra time and penalties was a formality - we knew then we'd lost with the honed pessimism of generations of supporting West Ham.  And if only Scaloni had lumped the ball instead of playing it to said Steve Gerrard!

But today was not a last-minute decider, but nevertheless last-minute joy.  In both halves.  That all those people who leave early to get to the bar, or the queue for the train will have missed both times.  For them, the game was probably a 1-1 draw.

Demba Ba is already a hit with us, because his name is perfect for the terraces.  The tune of Cum Baya is great to belt out "Demba Ba Ba Ba, He scores goals" and he did gloriously to put us 2-0 up at half time.  This followed Super Scott's super strike.

Of course, at half-time we rehearsed how many occasions we had lost or drawn from a 2 goal winning position this year and concluded that the best we'd achieve would be a draw.  I was simply hoping that Avram wouldn't give one of his inspirational half-time team talks along the lines of 'drop deep, mark space, don't compete for headers and whatever you do, don't close down the wide men before they have a chance to put a cross in'.   I've not heard it, but the team follows his instructions to the letter from what I've seen this season so far.  Jack just hoped it would be Super Scott giving the half-time inspiration as he did at West Brom to retrieve a 3-0 half-time deficit.

In the second half, it definitely looked like Avram had given the team talk, but at least we competed for the ball and Matty Upson was immense in his challenges.  Of course, we expected Bridge to do something silly, but this time he left it to Tompkins and Jacobsen.  A ball crying out to be hoofed was allowed back into the box  for West Ham reject (I wish) Glen Johnson to score with ten minutes left. 

Of course, we knew that was it - we would now concede at least an equaliser and probably the winner.  Players like Super Scott and Der Hammer Hitzlsperger were running on empty given the shifts they'd put in, and Ba and Piquionne had run themselves out.

But Carlton outmuscled Skrtl (who stole all his consonants?) and poached an extra-time beauty at Reina's near post.


90 seconds of unbridled, unpessimistic joy to savour.

And now  Stoke can both stuff our FA Cup run and end our mini survival revival.  Or we can play against them like we do against the top teams and achieve something.

Sometimes you just have to believe, so for the next week at least, just like the Monkees, I'm A Believer.

Boring win? West Ham 4 - 1 Burnley: 21 February FA Cup

My son Jack and I watched the game on the telly because, basically, I don't feel like going to Upton Park (and even less going to the Olympic Stadium).

My other son, Joel, was not sufficiently motivated enough to come round to watch together, and my daughter, Jessica,  also felt the match not sufficiently important to risk domestic harmony.

Jack felt it was wrong to be watching a few miles away from where the game was being played, but after a dreadful ten minutes by us, with a beer and sitting comfortably, he thought maybe it wasn't so bad.

But we couldn't even get excited by the usual failings.  And then we scored a Hitzlsperger special (special becasue we haven't seen any before) and didn't concede by half time.  Carlton then scored a goal that sums up his performances, then a brilliant second and Reid even got a debut goal.

The Controller couldn't understand the lack of jubilation, but it wasn't engaging and I was left reflecting that the team had found its level - towards the top of the Championship.

I see One Pornographer has declared that it's less than 50-50 we'll stay up, and puts this down to underperformance by the squad.  Well, that and the dreadful managerial appointment he made (which he doesn't mention). And that will mean the team that can compete at the Championship level will be broken up.

So Avram's still on course to get to a cup final and get relegated again.  Except that this time I'm sure we won't make it past Stoke in the cup.

But with Liverpool resurgent today and Joe Cole with something to prove (although not to West Ham fans) the bottom three still looks secure.

Hanging On: West Brom 3-3 West Ham; 12 February

At ten past three when we left our house in Langham to go for a walk in Sheringham Country Park, West Ham were already losing 2-0.  When we arrived there we were losing 3-0 and the match (as well as the season) was over.  There is no phone signal in the country park (North Norfolk is always dodgy for this) so my post-operation recuperative gentle stroll was not accompanied by more gloom.  Instead the dogs got filthy and happy and The Controller and I tempted fate by talking about the possibilities for our new house in Essex.  We await the survey report on the prospective house and the current house (for our potential buyer) before we can proceed, but meanwhile play the 'we should', 'what about', 'when we move' games with increasing excitement.  Which is not a feeling I get about the Irons.

During the course of the walk (the game already filed as lost), The Controller asked if I would go again next season, after we've moved.  Recently she's maintained I should because to give up would be a change too many, after our move, my mother moving into sheltered accommodation and the looming (and welcome) prospect of my retirement.  She thinks I need some continuity, and the misery that is supporting West Ham will supply it. 

I remain unsure.  My children, as children will, regard this with amused contempt.  They say (with good evidence) that I say this every season.  But they also recognise that it's getting closer to the start of each season when hope gives way to realism (a.k.a. despair).  But now the pleasure I get is from going with them (and latterly my lovely grandson, Connor) rather than the event itself.  The football has gone beyond being incidental to being a drag.  It's not pleasurable in prospect, in actuality or in retrospect most times.  But it's been such a fixture in my life for so long that I fear being one of those amputees who still feel the pain in their absent limb.  I'd not go and still be disappointed by the performances that I hadn't seen.

As we left the Park to take the dogs to Blakeney to have a sea bath and get rid of the accumulated dirt,  The Controller suggested I listen to the radio to get the final score.  The match wasn't over, it was 3-3 and West Ham were pushing for the winner.

So the season isn't yet over, the decision gets postponed, and the kernel of hope twitches again.

Going West?

Tomorrow West Ham have the latest in a seemingly endless line of 'save our season ' games.  This time it's away at managerless West Brom who are also in the relegation struggle, although not currently the bottom three relegation places.  They have sacked their manager after a dreadful run of results, while The Pornographers kept faith with Avram when they found there was no other bugger mad enough to take the job.

How farsighted of them and Ms Brady to have a financial model of occupying the Olympic Stadium based on Championship revenue.

This nightmare has apparently 'moved a step closer' today with West Ham confirmed as preferred bidders.  Preferred, that is, by the Olympic Park Legacy Committee, as opposed to those who actually pay money (and emotional anguish) to watch West  Ham play football in a football stadium where you can see the players relatively close up.

Apparently, West Ham supporters are now in favour of the move.  According to The Pornographer No. 1, they have always been in favour (not that we were ever asked by the club), but even fans' websites now show support.  Is it the atavistic desire to beat Spurs at anything (even occupying a new White Elephant)?  Is it the serial closures of Upton Park tube that have convinced people of the attractions of Stratford?  Is it the shit form of the team that means the further away from the action the better (in which case, Queensland, floods and all, seems about right)?  Or have we been converted to the need to maintain a running track for the yout' of East London to practice on?

Wha'ever - it won't be until 2014 and we could be much lower than the Championship by then.  But then Westfield will have John Lewis and the shopping in the Olympic Park will be more entertaining than the football. 

Not that there's much competition.

That sinking feeling again: West Ham 0 - 1 Birmingham; 6 February

How Birmingham must rub their hands when playing us.  Two goals down in a league match, that'll be a draw then.  Two goals down in a Cup Semi, that'll be a win then.  So now for something different.  Take the lead, that'll be a win then.  Another passionless, lacklustre performance got the result it deserved.  On the back of the win at Blackpool, with Wigan and Wolves winning, the character showed through again.  Time to stand up and be counted?  Not a chance.  Bridge, Keane and O'Neill all showed why their clubs were happy to let them go and why they couldn't find anywhere else than a doomed relegation struggle.  And now even Super Scott seems to have got Kryptonite boots.

As Jack said, the Olympic Stadium is a certainty for us - we play like a bunch of amateurs.

Now watch us collapse at West Brom next week.

Beside the Seaside: Blackpool 1 - 3 West Ham; 2 February

Going two goals up and winning - it must be the sea air, or Blackpool realy are shit.  Watching on Football First after winning is a serene experience, but one that I'm not overly familiar with.