An Open Invitation: West Ham 4-3 Portsmouth; 10 September

Last week I got an invitation sent to me from West Ham.  I was invited to meet Big (Fat) Sam in luxurious surroundings for a glass of champagne and a seafood buffet.  I would also see the match (with only the slight drawback that I would have to do that in the company of Pornographers and a fawning Reality TV star that would not be reputationally advisable).  And all I had to pay for this invitation was £99!!

I'm duty bound to reply.  Good manners demands it.  So I've got an invitation of my own for Sam.  He can come for a cup of tea and a biscuit and can sit in my garden to enjoy it .  Guaranteed no Pornographers or Fake Peer suck-ups to put up with - just two large, hairy dogs.  The dogs may bounce around a lot, though and rush about all over the grass with evident enjoyment, a frantic desire to please and little sense of discipline or purpose.

Midfield Terriers? Slippery pitch?

Which neatly brings us to West Ham in BFS's latest incarnation, post Super Scott.  The sponsors' man of the Match was Henri Lansbury, newly arrived from Arsenal Reserves on a season-long loan, but Rob Green was essential in us winning at home for the first time since March.  Two of his first half saves were stunning and the reason why the second half goals from Lansbury, Noble and Cole (to add to Matty Taylor's first half equaliser) won the match.  

Now why would that lovely Arsene Wenger lend Sam Allardyce a player?  Ever since BFS's Bolton days, they've not been bosom buddies.  When Arsene was in full conflict with Sir Apoplex of Manchester (before Sir Apoplex took to patronising him from the lofty heights of yet another league championship) BFS was like one of those annoying kids who hang around the big bully sniggering at their 'witticisms' while repeating their last few words for emphasis.  I thought all that meant we might get Man Utd loanees, like Sunderland and Wigan got Welbeck and Cleverly last year, but instead Arsene gave us a current star of England U21s.  So, either he doesn't like Lansbury, or his recent tribulations have changed more than the age at which he'll sign players.  Now he wants to toughen up his youth to go with the prettiness, perhaps.

Nevertheless, he contributed a (deflected) goal and won a penalty when his ball-juggling induced a handball.  So, a decent contribution.  Unlike that of David Bentley, the not-so-super-sub.  He kept trying to do the showboat or the killer ball and it never came off.  Of course he has talent, but I'm not so sure he has bottle.  And that's a quality the the departed Super Scott had (has) in abundance and that showed in the way that Portsmouth could run through our midfield to score three goals.  Normally, three goals away from home would be a victory, but tough.  It's about time we won, about time we came from behind, and more than about time we stopped conceding goals in injury time.  We managed two out of three.

When I got home and recounted to The Controller the self-mocking chant of the fans:

            We're winning at home

            We're winning at home

            How shit must you be

            We're winning at home

Her response was that was typical of the nasty bitter character deformation that is supporting West Ham.

So, please, BFS, accept my invitation and show her it isn't so.  And I won't even charge you £99 that was the price for your open invitation